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The Earth and all her jubilee and might,
 and self-inflicted hardship overcome,
 and doctrine forged to settle wrong and right
no more can tell her doctors from the Sun-

with science and scripture stirred and made the same,
 and idols cast from dirt and lust and gold,
 and sunlight ploughed and passed a clever name,
 and beauty culled and bought and used and sold,

thus, sun and beauty bound and in a mew,
 as each one treads your lashes and your hair,
but glossy doctrines cast and mould and skew;
 and you can't tell the sunlight from the glare-

  and don the golden makeup and disguise,
  as lashes keep the sunlight from your eyes.

Some morning sunlight, a special somebody, and a pissy world inspired this.

'tis a Shakespearean sonnet-- for those who don't know, to achieve the maximum possible showing off, the form involves 14 lines of iambic pentameter (10 syllables per line, even syllables stressed, odd unstressed), three verses dealing with the main theme in slightly different ways (I'm actually not 100% sure how strict that is), and a summarylike rhyming couplet. ababcdcdefefgg rhyme scheme. And it shouldn't be spaced out like it is here.. but I think it makes it easier on the eyes, and much as I love the form, 'tis but a form.

Tell me what you'd do with this.

I'm most pleased. :)

Stock photograph- [link]
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Daily Deviation

Given 2003-12-12
Your Eyes by +pachunka "tis a Shakespearean sonnet," the poet says in his comments. Pachunka explains what that means but reading this poem causes one to forget "form" as sound sinks the reader into meaning. ( Featured by jsenn )
:iconrozzi-dk:
Rozzi-dk Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2013
Nice :D
Reply
:icongallymont:
gallymont Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2009
I aggree with the spacing, especially when you deal with quatrains and coupletes. However, just to talk about form; if it's a Shakespearean sonnet then there's just two little problems.

Lines 2 and 4, overcome and sun, aren't true rhyme, they're closer to slant rhyme - which isn't shakespearean.

Line 5 has 11 syllables.

But as you said, a form is a form, and nothing more.
Reply
:iconthe-grey-fox:
the-grey-fox Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2008
this is a really beautiful sonnet, but of course noone said shakespeare was ever dull in his line of work.
Reply
:iconapolloswan:
apolloswan Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2008
I really think this is well written, but doesn't the 5th line contain eleven syllables? It just kinda threw me.
Reply
:iconpachunka:
Pachunka Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2008  Professional Artist
=oddlyaromatic pointed that out a whole lot too. I was pronouncing 'science' with one syllable back when I wrote this. Bit of a stretch. ;)
Reply
:iconapolloswan:
apolloswan Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2008
It's not really that bad though.
Reply
:iconiamthemanda:
IAmTheManda Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2006
I love it. I personaly think it would look great for a add in a magazine.
Reply
:iconblonde-thinking:
blonde-thinking Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2006
nice pic very pretty
Reply
:iconskippyjr:
SkippyJr Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2006   Filmographer
Wow,
This is is beautiful,
Very good writing,
I loved this poem.
Reply
:iconfreefeege:
FreeFeege Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2005  Student Artist
ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS!
Reply
:iconhaley1991:
Haley1991 Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2005
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEE EEEESSSSSSSSSOOOOOMMMMEEEEE!
Reply
:iconiocus:
Iocus Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2005
An absolutely fantastic piece! Well done!

- ][ocus
Reply
:icontsalascot:
tsalascot Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2005
Moving...the words filled my mind with pictures. So easy to read...flows like a waterfall. Thank you for sharing :-)
Reply
:iconsteelvenom:
SteelVenom Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2005
wow.....thats all i can say

but glossy doctrines cast and mould and skew;
and you can't tell the sunlight from the glare-

That line is amazing, I love the comparison of how you can't tell "fools gold from real gold". Dont know a bettter way to put it literally.

I'm not a fan of shakespeare but I really liked this work-it had a rhythm to it and just an extreme "intellectual" feeling.....lol who ever comments on a poem and says it sounds smart? Well I guess I just did. I liked it too =)
Reply
:iconsecretcries73:
secretcries73 Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2005
i love the preview. poem is also quite nice :D
Reply
:iconlesliweird:
lesliweird Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2004   Digital Artist
oh that's really beautiful. So many times iambic pentameter comes out so stilted, but this has a really great flow.

I agree with you on the separate stanzas. I've always thought that makes it much easier on the eyes.
Reply
:iconendlessillusions:
EndlessIllusions Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2004   Photographer
Those last two lines, there was just something about them. Incredible, I must say, just incredible. I try to be a writer myself, but I cannot seem to write a lot of structured poetry, and maybe it is best if I don't ;). You did a beautiful job overall, but those last two lines are something else...
Reply
:iconladygalad:
ladygalad Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2004  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
"with science and scripture stirred and made the same" this might sound better starting with 'when'

I'm not sure I like the doctor/doctrine allusions. They seem slightly unclear. '

You use 'and' quite a lot, I'm not sure if that was intentional. In some places it is awkward.

Overall, pretty original use of wording. keep writing!
Reply
:iconalfredoberny:
alfredoberny Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2004
niiiice haha
Reply
:iconrustyrainbow:
RustyRainbow Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2004
jayzus o.o thats beautiful. nngg you gave me ambition to draw something but artblocks have plagued me. |:<
Reply
:iconpachunka:
Pachunka Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2004  Professional Artist
So did you draw anything that time? :)
Reply
:iconmelgama:
MelGama Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2004  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Sooooo beautiful!!!!! ;clap: Excellent work! :hug:
Reply
:iconpachunka:
Pachunka Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2004  Professional Artist
:)
Reply
:iconklentex:
klentex Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2004
it's wonderful when someone can actually sit down and mold something into a s-sonnet, takes patience i think. i don't remember much about it, other than that all it really 'required' was the ababcdcdefefgg, and maybe some good vocab past 'thy' and 'thou' :) i can't pick a favourite part, but it is overall graceful and calm to me. thanks for sharing...
Reply
:iconpachunka:
Pachunka Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2004  Professional Artist
I think I tend to be patient with my art by default, so I wouldn't notice it either way- I enjoy doing it; I especially enjoy creating sonnets (even though I hardly do it) so it's not a major deal.

It can be tricky though-- strangely enough my main difficulty isn't with the rhyming scheme (which you correctly pointed out), or the also required iambic pentameter (10 syllables per line, stresses on even-numbered syllables), but the fact that the first three quatrains are to deal with the theme each in a different way, with the two closing lines concluding the whole thing. Diving the thing into three parts is just.. tricky.. and the only thing that puts me off doing sonnets more often really- since I tend to stick to one image with my poems.
Reply
:icongypsyend0rphin:
gypsyend0rphin Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2004
Beautifully written, I love the imagery and form. You've done an amazing job with this... usually I would offer some criticism but I can't see any way I would want this to be different, it would lose its charm. Lovely job, well done.

:heart:
Reply
:iconpachunka:
Pachunka Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2004  Professional Artist
I'm glad you liked it. :)
Reply
:iconpironic:
pironic Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2004
*smiles softly*

very impressive... i like the structure of the sonnet as well as the who composition... it couldn't have been done any beter

i have a tendancy to want to fix other people's poetry or critisize it for what they could have done or should have said in something's place... but this is amazing, perfect down to the last stanza. keep it up dude! very impressive a deffinate :+fav:
Reply
:iconleopardivory:
leopardivory Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2004   Writer
Wow, this is just... wow.

Wonderful, wonderful writing! :)

:+devwatch:
Reply
:iconlord-zany:
lord-zany Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2004
um i havent read such a good poem as of late

well written, indeed, with excellent flow

worded so beautifully :+fav:
Reply
:iconcatching:
catching Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2004
Excellent, excellent work here. But you already knew that. ;)
Reply
:icon2mo:
2mo Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2004
I love this :)
when I read this its obvious you're so different than me
thats a good thing btw :P
Reply
:icons--tl-le-ir0n-fist--:
S--Tl-lE-iR0N-FisT-- Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2004   Writer
Excellent sonnet. I tried one myself, but I really couldn't enforce the stresses as you have. A very good read!
Reply
:icononeglassangel:
oneglassangel Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2004
this poem has such a thread of truth running through it; its rare to find a commentary on society that has the right tone... and your form and rhyming, 'tis quite nice... rare to find both in poetry, so congratulations to you
Reply
:iconprincesskitty:
princesskitty Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2004   Digital Artist
I can't believe I'm just now getting to read this but I'm glad I didn't skip over it. It's beautiful.
Reply
:iconevylcookie:
evylcookie Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2004
I speak french and it's not easy to read poems in english :confused: eheh... But I must say that I fall in love with the pictures :heart: Very very nice :)
Reply
:iconunknowndarkness:
unknowndarkness Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2003
I really like this...and I love the picture too...I have a poem with the same title and I saw this and was like whoa...lol.....good job! :clap: :)
Reply
:iconawakenawareness:
AwakenAwareness Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2003   Writer
Ahhhhh... A breath of fresh air.. It's so very rare to find a poet who can write in structured form and still fly free.. There is no sense of confinement, it flows as if you'd invented the sonnet format for this specific poem.

A well deserved +fav!
Reply
:iconpachunka:
Pachunka Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2003  Professional Artist
Many thanks. :)

I'd say it comes from this old habit of rhyming that seems to be built in, and a lot of experimentation with iambic pentameter does the rest. I often find myself writing a line in my head, and realizing that with the changing of a syllable or two, it can be written in iambic pentameter. And the peculiar way that I speak/write, is generally bouncy like that.

Caa. :)_
Reply
:iconangeleyes25:
angeleyes25 Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2003
very beautiful... :)
Reply
:iconartisticlonging:
artisticlonging Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2003
wowness:)eye pics are always fun, but we dont get so many closed ones do we?
Btw, the link for stock dont work(or maybe its just DA)...do you remember which artist took it?
Reply
:iconpachunka:
Pachunka Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2003  Professional Artist
Actually I think it may have been deleted- I can't remember how I found that out at all- forgot to update the description- I tend to worry about the poemside and completely forget about the graphic.. lots.. it was a really pretty photo, though.. if I remember who 'twas I'll let you know. I know that she commented here somewhere, come to think of it. :)
Reply
:icontheloveyoulost:
TheLoveYouLost Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2003   Writer
I like how it's just all one long rush of an idea and doesn't have a final punctuation 'til the end... ish perdy ^.^
Reply
:iconpachunka:
Pachunka Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2003  Professional Artist
Thankee. :)_ The one-long-sentence thing was probably my favourite aspect of it. :)
Reply
:iconembracingamnesia:
EmbracingAmnesia Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2003   Writer
I've been trying to get around working up an iambic pentameter piece myself... Kind of hard to think of a topic, though. :) Nice work.
Reply
:iconpachunka:
Pachunka Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2003  Professional Artist
Topics are fun like that. :j Inspiration is tricky to come by- it's made me start liking the idea of workshops and whatnow, which we've started doing over at contemplicity- which is lots of fun. Also, it's good to take a theme that somebody else has dealt with, and do it your own way. It's a thing I've been meaning to do for some time. I highly doubt any poet would mind.. I know I'd not. Unless it's likely to utterly show them up.. haven't worked out what to do in that scenario, yet. :j
Reply
:iconembracingamnesia:
EmbracingAmnesia Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2003   Writer
:p It's hard not to turn a workshop into a vocabulary contest... Too many competitive people out there, it's hard to do workshops like that.
Reply
:iconpachunka:
Pachunka Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2003  Professional Artist
'plicity's a mellow place- everybody knows each other and the like- no badness. I'd not partake in the devart workshops, though. 'twas a scary place when 'twas just a forum. :)
Reply
:iconembracingamnesia:
EmbracingAmnesia Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2003   Writer
Wish there was a place like that around my part of the world. :)
Reply
:iconphil-light:
phil-light Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2003  Hobbyist General Artist
Hmm, I liked the poem, but I'm mostly here for the refreshments. Pass the pretzels?

-PL-
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